Timeshare Torture Tours

I really want to go to Universal Studios, but you know I can never pay full price.  I did find the Florida resident three days deal for $99.00, but that still wasn't good enough.  It should have been.  In my quest for cheap park tickets, I stumbled upon a timeshare torture tour.  The pitch went something like this, "Come learn about our lovely vacation homes, and we will give you $100.00 cash just for listening.  $100 for 90 minutes of your time, plus free lunch."  Why not?  The $20 deposit might have been a clue.



Line to pick up $100 "Gift"

 When you are visiting Florida on a budget, a hundred dollars is good chunk of change.  However, I am here to assure you that there are much less painful ways to earn $100.00, donating blood several times in one day comes to mind. 

My tour of Westgate Vacation Villas was scheduled to being at 11:00 am.  I even arrived early at 10:57 am.  The line may have been a preparation for the long lines to come at Universal Studios, as it was obscenely long and slow moving.   It unfortunately though, had no real thrill at the end.  Instead, we were coolly greeted by the gatekeeper who asked us questions to make sure we met the requirements of the tour.

After the line, we were transferred to a holding area, where we waited patiently for our tour guide, Lucas, to arrive.  Lucas informed us that it was now 12:08 pm, and our tour had began.  It was Lucas's turn to see if he could disqualify us from the tour.  Yes, we met the income requirements.   No, we had not done a tour in 6 months, etc. etc.   Lucas said, "I only ask you to be honest at the end of the tour, and give me a yes or a no."  We were good to go.

Anxious for our day to begin, we rushed through the free buffet lunch and took a few bites of the cold hotdog on a stale bun, chili cheese nachos, and macaroni salad.  Lucas, who had his name tattooed in huge letters on both his right arm and his left arm (in case he lost one?) informed us that he was the #3 salesperson in the company, that he currently held a degree, that he would soon be a pharmacist, and that he owned 2 timeshares of his own. 

Ninety minutes had passed since I arrived, but the 90 minute timeshare tour hadn't even begun yet.   The tour does not actually begin until after lunch.   The tour itself was somewhat amusing.  It began with some fast math by Lucas showing greatly exaggerated estimates of my vacation spending over the next 30 years.  Then some glossy charts showing the booming growth of timeshare sales until the year 2007, yet nothing for years 2008-2011.  We were then shown pictures of resorts all over the world, and since everybody wants to go to Disney, we could trade our week and go anywhere in the world.  Last, we were taken by golf cart to see several model units, none of which impressed me in the least. 

We got back to the table around 2:00 pm, and Lucas started the paperwork.  It looked like he was drawing up a contract for me to buy a 2 bedroom unit at the low, low price of $30,000 financed at 17.99 percent plus $800 a year maintenance fee for a property that I would be allowed to visit one week per year.  After seeing the price, and not wanting to waste any more of his time or mine, I politely told Lucas that I wasn't going to buy.  After all, he had just said, "I only ask you to be honest at the end of the tour, and give me a yes or a no."

Lucas wasn't happy with me.  He told me that I wasn't going to get my "gift". 
He said, "You haven't given me anything."  Really?   They'd had me and my $20 deposit captive since 10:57 am- three hours already.  Now he threatens to keep my $20 deposit and my hundred dollar gift?  My husband, keeping his eye on the prize encouraged Lucas to finish writing up his quote.  Lucas, shot me a dirty look, and finished his pitch.  When he was finished, my husband said, "My wife doesn't like it, so we are not going to buy it."

Since Lucas couldn't close the deal, we were introduced to 2 more salesmen.  The first was Lucas's manager, who tried to sweeten the deal by offering other units at lower prices.  The second was another salesman who had a repo unit, we were told practically the same unit, for only $12,000.00.  I said "No" about 30 more times, but it was not until I said, "I don't care how much it costs, I think it's ugly and I don't want it," that they finally gave up at 2:20 pm. 

But we are not done yet.  We still need to pick up our gift.  We are directed to enter another line to pick up our cash.  At 2:42 pm we are finally walking out the door. 

By my calculations, our 90 minute tour was really a 224 minute torture session. They money no longer excited us.  We were emotionally drained.  We popped a few Advil and called it a day.  From now on, I'm sticking to coupons.  You have been warned.